What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
