You made me cry and you don't even care
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
