Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
