you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
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Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
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Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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