Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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