do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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