took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
