"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
