I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
