its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
