he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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