You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
