tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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