She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
