I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
