At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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