can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
