Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm having to shit out rocks
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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