At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
