That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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