in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I feel like a drive thru vagina
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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