how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
did i just pee glitter
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
the raccoons are back...
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