I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
3pm strippers are depressing
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
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