I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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