Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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