he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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