When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
