I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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