So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
