Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
