I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
