after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
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