I wish I could teleport
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
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If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
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Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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