Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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