Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize