I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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