Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
