you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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