Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize