Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
