Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
