C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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