Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
