My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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