I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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