Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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