It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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