I swear she didn't look like that last week.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize