So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
