i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
