Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
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