thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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