Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
