Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
