her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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