Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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