your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
