turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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