I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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