I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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