How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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