She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
