whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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