New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
