while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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