I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
