JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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