Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
