i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
