Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
