Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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