Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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