I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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