operation have a gay friend backfired
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize