God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
