It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
