So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
